Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
