fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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