capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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