There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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