I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I cut my penus on the lid.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i think my cat just said my name.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
