pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
