what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
