Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
