So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
