We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
