Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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