I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize