I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
