i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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