i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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