You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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