I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
