Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
