dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
