its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
