God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
