I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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