I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
