Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
