I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
