I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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