Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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