My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize