i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I stole a fireplace last night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
