It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
