i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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