Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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