Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
