That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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