Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
