So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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