Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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