Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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