i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I woke up under a house in Key West
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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