i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
