if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
