someone owes me an orgasm
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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