I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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