Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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