A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
