Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
