drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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