Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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