i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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