Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
