12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
