I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
