Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
3 2 1 whiskey
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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