He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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