i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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