but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
