I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
