Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you had me at cake vodka
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
