the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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