I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize