My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
