thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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