Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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