I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
