Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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