im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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