I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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