I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
