Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
