she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
