I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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