When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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