That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize