If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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