Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
