I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
A+ Viking dick
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