She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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