Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
