So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i think i scared a bird with my dick
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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