Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
