just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
