Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Someone came in the potted fern
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
