so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
