my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
