so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You need a sexual gate keeper
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
