Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
