When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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