I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
