I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
