My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
