So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
