I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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