was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
