at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
