Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
