It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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