No period for spring break; use this wisely.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize