Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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