My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
