he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
