this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
