1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize