i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
