Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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