party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I see more hoeing in ur future
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
