just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
